Tony & Doug get married

As the sun soaked St James park on Saturday afternoon literally 10’s of people packed ‘the hill’ with an electric atmosphere. Both sets of fans were in fine voice and their songs could be heard all the way to Coledale video store.

The teams lined up in front of the assembled media hacks as cameras snapped the moment for the history books and the pleasantries were finally over. With 3 minutes to kick-off the whites gathered in their now customary pre-match shambles to allocate roles, arriving at a starting 11 made up of those who could still breath in the alarmingly figure hugging ‘away kit’ being used for the day. Having scored 4 unmarked goals in our last meeting, Tony “blogger” Harper was singled out as the biggest threat and Maroon we should kick the most....moments later Doug was singled out as the White most likely to kick him and the game plan was set.

“Don’t vorry boyz, we can win deez morons” cried the ponytailed wonder and we were off.

The Maroons soon realised there was to be no repeat of the goal fest in Warilla and with more chance of Australia winning the Ashes than the ref spotting a foul the game found a rhythm of quick passing and snappy tackles. Fergus took to this like a brick to water and his usual influence in midfield began to fade as Ponytail’s white boots outshone everyone else’s. Meanwhile Blogger hadn’t seen much of the ball and a quick glance towards to the edge of white’s penalty box caught him and Doug holding hands and whispering tender “you stood on my feet you f*** &%$# &%$#4^%!!” to each other.

5 mins before half time Mr 21 and Slugger Charles huffed and puffed their way to the halfway line and when all else failed simply lashed the ball skyward. As is a prerequisite when playing for the whites, Ponytail isn’t one to give up on a lost cause and after going shoulder to shoulder with the Maroon’s last man he managed an amazing feat, putting the whites 1-0 up with a shot that would of been goal in all 4 codes of footy.

Post match interviews established that it was “reverse spin” that helped the ball nestle in the onion bag. Apparently cricket is a totally different game in Turkey!

The second half got underway with the Maroons lifting their intensity and as the heat of the moment rose, Doug got to second base with Blogger and the passion was there for all to see. As they flirted and rolled playfully in the dirt children’s eyes were averted by parents. Ref Dewey took his legendary stance....’play on, nothing to see here’ and romance blossomed. With the Coledale fire brigade keeping a close eye on Shane’s blazing snags his attention wandered but a bullet header right in the bangers reminded him of the task in hand and ensured there was gourmet earthy crunch on the first 20 post match snags.

At one point speedster and part-time local historian Glen Cahill tried to mow Doug’s lawn, hugging Blogger to the ground and offering some sweet nothings of his own, but to no avail, Doug and Blogger were inseparable by this point and their eyes met across the dusty penalty box again for one last “watch ya elbow ya F*&% ^$@&@*!!”

All that was left to complete the perfect day was a good old fashion scrappy goal to tighten the Whites grip on the wooden spoon and the mantle of world’s most unlucky team.....it came with less than 10 mins left...as it usually does.

Final score 1-1.

Whites post match banter was focused on the future and building on the fighting spirit of the afternoon, the Maroons settling for an 8-4 aggregate win, the Coledale Cup and another point that secured their spot in the finals...happy days.