The half term report

I'm not much of one for mid season reports. If we've been rubbish then no amount of gibberish will lift us up the table. If we are sitting pretty, then our focus needs to be ahead, not behind. But the Whites did one so now we have a request to follow suit from a Mr (or Mrs.) "overdue" in the shoutbox. I'll have a crack but in return have a request of my own. I want everyone to get on here in the comments box and tell us one thing that has stood out for them this season so far - good or bad, happy or sad. Do more if you like but if you read it then give a little back and give us an insight into your season so far.



Overall

With 13 games down for the Maroons we sit in second place, two off the leaders the Old Boys. We have suffered two defeats, drawn twice and won nine. Over the same period last season we started with five wins to top the table and then won just one of our next eight to be outside the top four for good.




Best win

It's fresh, of course, but who could go past Sunday's epic against the Old Boys. I'd rate the 1-0 win over Balgownie earlier in the season highly as well. Although it's good to have 16 players to share the load, both of these games ended with 12 fit players, which might suggest that everyone lifts as one when they know the saftey net is threadbare.





Lowest point

The fifth goal conceded against the Old Boys in the home match was painful to watch. Considering they had scored a fourth one in similar fashion minutes earlier which we had managed to cancel out.

I still can't get over how miserable wet weekends are. Even worse must be those beautiful sunny Saturdays when it has belted down all week and the grounds are unplayable.


The new boys

Although you old blokes from the Hogs are alright, I've really enjoyed playing with the new guys this season. If I live to 100 I'll remember Tom's stepovers, Dave C's straining with every fibre in his body NOT to punch out that bloke at Balgownie, Paul throwing himself into every tackle like it was a monster wave, and the crunching sound of his opponents bones' jarring, Shakey heading the pill harder than I can kick it, Langy for his knowledge and Dave McCann for his stretching sessions which last longer than the game. Oh and Jon for just bloody well giving in to three years of begging and agreeing to join in the madness.

Most sensible Maroon

Winner: Tom for packing a gun to the Helensburgh game. For a while I thought it might be needed and he had a little glint in his eye.

Runnerup: Langy, for listening to the doctor who informed him that stress fractures in his back were probably a sign that he should give it up.

Best goal

Ant's freekick against Old Boys. He reports it was 10 out from the box and 10 from the sideline. Shane told him to cross it and Ant called far top corner, which is where it finished.

Best dive

Graeme P against IFS in game one. If you don't believe me look at the photo. If you still don't believe me then you didn't see the two against the Old Boys.

Best save

Sorry Pete, but Kev pulled one out in the first half against the Makos that was absolutely astonishing. (Note the fact Pete is missing a couple of games soon has nothing to do with this answer).

Best almost goal

Dean's flying header against Uni at home. The chip came in, I think from GP, the keeper came out, Dean got airborne and... the ball just missed his noggin. We'd be talking about that one forever if it went in.

Worst miss

There are too many to count here but I'll nominate Gary H's against Uni (in fact he probably would too), Ant's against maybe the Burgh (?) and mine against Old Boys.

Worst own goal

Still time for Graeme Duncan to make his move but Fergus is miles ahead here for his headed rocket against the Whites.

Friendliest opponents

You know who you are.

Biggest dummy spit

Who throws an empty bottle of water? Has absolutely no dramatic effect at all.

Worst refeering decision

Phil Jordan. J-A-N-Z-O-O-N. (Does not rhyme with M-A-R-O-O-N)

Luckiest win

The first game against Uni. What on earth were we thinking? Needed an absolute screamer from John B at the death to get us three points.

Worst use of his company's time

Winner: That Tottenham supporter who has come up with the world's ugliest and most confusing graphic on the table page. He has done some good things though (including the save of the season).

Runnerup: That Sp*rs fan who spent a week and a half failing to convince anyone that Maroon rhymes with Janzoon.

Best quotes
"You guys are a disgrace," a certain Helensburgh official, upset about how we fell over after being hacked down by his teammates. Just a week or two later he allowed a player registered in a higher grade to play in the Sweat Hogs' 4-0 win over IFS.

"You guys are just like Helensburgh" from an Old Boy. Maybe they're both right...

"You're so stupid you don't even know my name" - World famous Rolando or Orlando from the Burgh.

Worst linesman
That Irish dag who was holding a flag, and a fag and trying to blag a snag. While his beer bottle was on the field. In a game played by two members of the IAFA committee.

Best fan
Gary Ray. Travelled to Warilla despite not being married to one of the players and politely declined an invitation to join the Whites out of loyalty to us.

Wished he was here
David J. Offered the head coach's role and a place in the heart of defence, went to the Div 1 Old Boys instead and cuts a forlorn figure in a team lacking any noticeable fitness, speed or talent, despite their position at the top of the Div One table ... Certain to transfer next year, having achieved everything there is to achieve in M1.